What makes you most happy?
by EVAunit42
Summary: This is my first story in a long time. No flames. Criticism is welcomed. Shinji is in love with a certain red head pilot but cannot say what is really on his mind. Asuka's walls are slowly melting but can her heart be free in time for her to tell Shinji she loves him before she loses him forever? Based around episode 15 and 16. Italics are flashback, Bold are thoughts
1. Games can be stressful

_ "What makes you most happy?" _These words echoed all around her mind.

She took a deep breath, her normally flawless, vibrant red hair now messy and imperfect. Her sky blue eyes puffy and red. Dry tear stains on her cheek.

That's right the great Asuka Langley Sohryu was crying or had been. Her pride replaced by guilt. Her confidence overshadow by a gut wrenching fear. Those little words echoing in her mind. Tormenting her to know end.

_"What makes you most happy?"_

_Flashback: 1 week ago_

"Eh?" answered one Shinji Ikari confused as ever much to the dismay of a certain red-haired twister of anger.

"Are you bored baka Shinji!?" Asuka shouted at the boy.

He gazed at her.

In truth he wasn't bored; he had his SDAT player which he could easily listen to all day.

However he knew if she asked him if he was bored that means she was bored and if he did not do whatever she wanted, he would probably get beaten for it. True that was probably going to be the result if he did go along with her but at least this way it was later than sooner.

So with that lifesaving logic in his mind, he nodded while shyly answering "a little"

She smirked like she had just caught her prey and suddenly Shinji wondered maybe he should've said no.

**"Too late now"** he mused as he noticed Asuka jumping to her feet.

She had been laying down, reading some stupid girly magazine

She was wearing her night-clothes: a loose, yellow shirt and short, tight demi shorts that hugged her ass very…

**"NO NO NOOO" **Shinji thought as he tried to stop that train of thought.

So he was a bit of a pervert but with such a radiant, breath-taking beauty like Asuka near him 24/7…it was really hard not to be.

Especially since any time he tried to admit his feelings, she would brutally remind him why she would never love him.

Not saying "I will never love you baka Shinji!" exactly but rather with all the other words and actions.

The hitting, teasing, calling him a wimp.

It hurt.

A lot.

Sometimes it was more than he could bear, like she was just trampling all over his heart and spitting on it for good measure.

It hurt to be with her….but it felt worse when he was away from her.

He knew he was a push over.

He knew he had no spine.

He knew he wasn't…well wanted but for the first time in years, he had a purpose.

Yes Shinji Ikari had a purpose and while his father was as distant as ever

While Asuka was mentally and physically abusive and uncaring

While all the people at NERV probably thought he was a charity case or just a puppet waiting to be used then tossed away, he, Shinji Ikari, had a purpose and he was going to do it as long as it he can.

Shinji finally realized why he should pilot Unit 1.

Not for himself but for Asuka.

So she can have a life and she could marry and love whoever she wanted. Even if he wasn't in the picture.

It was clear that Shinji was in love Asuka Langley Sohryu. As if one nearly impossible mission wasn't enough.

Shinji was terrified by Angels and the pain he felt when he was in his Eva but at the same time he was secretly glad for their existence.

For without them, he would've been stuck with his uncaring, unloving teacher. He would've never met Asuka and he would never have been able to show Asuka he cared.

Every time he jumped in the way to save her…every wound, every scar was a reminder of what he chose to do. What his real mission was.

He let out a depressing sigh. Now only if she could appreciate his actions. He wouldn't dare tell her them because A): she would've mocked him and B): she would hate him for daring to show pity o her….or what she perceived to be pity.

He could never pity her. How do you pity someone who everyone wanted to be. Someone so confident, so graceful, so sure of herself. Someone who makes sure she is remembered and unforgettable… **"Wish I could be like that" **Shinji lamented.

"Baka Shinji!" Shinji jumped when he realized he had stared off into space.

He began to apologize when he noticed something. A shade of blue that was so beautiful it was hypnotic.

Asuka's eyes were a few inches from his, her pure blue eyes staring intently at him with hints of annoyance, anger…and…concern?…

Smack! Shinji felt a rush of pain fill his right cheek.

"OWW!" he cried out loud as he desperately rubbed his cheek to alleviate the pain.

"Well that's what you get for just staring at me! It's rude Baka!"

Shinji stared back at her wanting to shout out **"I was not staring, not that you could blame me! You are so beautiful, so breathtaking I surprise the very stars themselves aren't jealous that you outshine them all!" **but alas he simply muttered "sorry…"

Her eyes shifted into a glare and Shinji could his heart moan in pain, threatening to break into tiny shreds. His mind weakly whimpered **"I mustn't run away….I mustn't run away" **but all Shinji wanted to do was run.

It was easier than watching Asuka's eyes glare at him, show him the deepest loathing she possessed simply because she might actually….she might actually hate him.

"We're going to play a game baka" she said, unaware of the emotional turmoil within the third child in front of her.

"A….a…game?" he muttered weakly. To normal people, it was the mutterings of an emotional stressed boy. To Asuka, it was the mutterings of a stupid wimp.

"Yes Baka, a game." She sat cross-legged in front of him "You do know what a game is right?"

He nodded in agreement as she patted the floor across from her.

"Not going to stand over me are you? Is your ego that big?" Asuka teased.

"N-no" Shinji replied as he sat across from her.

Silence. Silence that went from seconds into minutes. Shinji peered at the red-haired beauty and saw her deep in thought.

"Asuka?" he asked timidly. She glared at him as she waved him off

"Alright, I got it! We're going to play a game like truth or dare"

"Huh?" Shinji stared at her, was there another way to play truth or dare?

"Here's how it works one of us asks the other a question. 30 seconds to answer. If you don't then you HAVE to do a dare" she explained with a devilish, frightening and to Shinji, quite lovely smile.

"Umm…okay" He nodded shyly in agreement. There was many ways this could turn out horribly for him but he already agreed and if it meant having a reason to stare at Asuka, then he was willing to take any amount of pain for it….well almost any amount.

"Ladies first baka" Asuka said with an edge.

_A few seconds ago_

She pondered silently, thinking of the best way to torture the third.

Some people would call this cruelty or being abusive but to Asuka she was helping her teammate be a real man!

All he ever did was stutter and say sorry. He never defended himself, he never even got angry. He needed a backbone or could easily be devoured by the dozens of fan girls that all wanted him.

Asuka's thoughts stopped there for a moment, recalling the amount of surprise she felt when she found out the third child actually had a rather large (and quite frankly) dedicated fan group. In addition to nearly every single girl in their class, almost every girl in their year, a few upperclassmen and even lowerclassmen all wanted Shinji.

She could not figure out why. He wasn't a real man like her Kaji-kun!

Not like she was jealous. She could care less about the third. All he is useful for is cooking and cleaning because if Misato had her way, the apartment would be stack to the ceiling with beer can and deadly inedible food.

She shook her head and realized Shinji was looking at her full of concern! She internally growled, concern was basically pity with a nice name.

"Asuka?"

His timid voice annoyed her.

She let loose a glare and her best predatory smile when she realized the perfect way to torment the boy. The stupid third, 'invincible' Shinji Ikari.

"Alright, I got it! We're going to play a game like truth or dare"

"Huh?"

she rolled her eyes, the baka was hopeless and easily confused. He was only a pilot because his daddy controlled the company.

"Here's how it works. One of us asks the other a question. 30 seconds to answer. If you don't, then you have to do a dare"

he'll never agree to it

"Umm…okay"

she glanced at him, mildly impressed. Maybe there was hope for this baka.

"Ladies first baka"

"Alright baka" Asuka began, letting a little venom drip into her words, making Shinji flinch suddenly

"Why do you always flinch?" she said in a confused daze.

"Because...I…I'm scared you'll hit me…..is it my turn Asuka?"

Asuka peered at Shinji with confusion when she realized what he implied

"! W-wait that wasn't my question baka Shinji!" she shouted at the top of her lungs.

In a rare moment of fleeting courage Shinji simply gave her a sly grin "It was in question form"

Asuka could feel her face flush as she struggle to suppress a compliment that was rising to her lips.

**"Pretty clever Third" **Asuka thought as her lips said "Baka Shinji! Don't think this makes you cleverer than me!"

Shinji nodded in submissive agreement, the small amount of courage he had now expended. As he stared at her he secretly thought **"Is it so hard to say something nice about me?" **

A small smile tugged at his face as an idea formed.

"Your turn Asuka….Can you actually say something nice to me without an insult attached?"

Grinning proudly, he was both glad and hurt that the red-head in front of him actually opened and closed her mouth repeatedly, clearly unsure if she could actually go through with it.

Shinji lazily eyed the clock on the wall. 10…15….20….28…29.

"You are a pretty decent cook" she finally managed to spit out quite literally at the last second.

"My turn third!" Asuka shouted with the usual predatory glint in her eye.

Though this time there was another emotion reflected in her eyes, one that Shinji had never seen before and one he didn't know how to name.

"Alright Baka, who in our class do you like?"

Shinji was on the receiving end of being frozen this time.

His mind shuddered to a halt as it began bombarding him with an unrelenting amount of random and point tangents.

**"Why does she want to know that?" "Why does she care?" "Like as in friend or as in like like?" "WHY DOES SHE WANT TO KNOW THAT?"**

Shinji stopped long enough to vaguely notice Asuka's triumphant grin.

**"Why is she grinning?!" **

The truth hit him like Unit 01's fist.

"Nobody!" he cried finally, praying he hadn't gone over the time limit.

Asuka sighed "It was my grin huh? 5 mores seconds…."

Shinji gazed at her curiously. It almost sounded like she was…disappointed.

**"Probably disappointed that she couldn't come up with some humiliating thing for me to do" **Shinji bitterly thought.

He wished girls were easier to understand….or maybe just the gorgeous red-head in front him.

**"What makes her happy?" **he thought longingly as Asuka cut off his train of thoughts

"I know you're a little slow baka but it is your turn"

He looked at her, her lively and breathtaking face. Her unique and gorgeous hair in its natural, untamed state. Just flowing all around her. Her clear sky blue eyes gazing at him expectantly.

But the thing he wanted to see most was her smile…which there was none at this moment.

Just a small frown, possibly of anger or even regret of this game. How he would love to see her smile. Her real smile just once. No anger….no rage….no disappointment in him.

He was tired of seeing the ghostly image of a mocking smile that always was on her face when she saw him.

He wanted to see the most beautiful girl's smile…even if it wasn't directed at him. The words left him before he could even stop them

"What makes you most happy?"


	2. Maybe that was too far

Thank you all for reading my story! I hope you are enjoying it. I remember i don't own this great series.

I would like thank andysax, bigguy1234, divinedemon1, kinOnizuka and xobilesmith for favoriting me. feel free to write a review

Now on with the show!

Present Day

Asuka paced nervously, hoping each step would calm her racing heart.

She was ashamed of herself when she realized her eyes were full of tears and that some managed to spill onto her face.

She knew she looked like a wreck but at the moment she could care less about her appearance. Though if anyone had seen her, she would simply pretend to fix her hair or claim there was no tears in her eyes, only a trick of the light that only idiots fell for.

She let out a sigh.

There she goes again: Lying, pretending, and hiding behind a mask that was nothing but a hollow reflection of the truth.

She had been crying.

She was so worried she was physically sick.

She had a large and unwanted amount of guilt weighing heavily on her chest.

And worst part?

She knew it was her fault because she came to this conclusion herself.

Misato passed by her without a single comment, fear and sorrow showing in the cracks of the mask of professionalism she always wore.

Wondergirl was equally as silent as she was emotionless though Asuka could swear she saw anxiety in her eyes when their paths crossed.

Both said nothing because they all knew there was nothing to be said.

No words of comfort. No miracle going to save them. Nothing.

Asuka leaned against the far wall, sliding down until she was sitting on the floor. Hugging her knees and resting her head on top of them. Letting quiet sobs escape her lips.

Right across from her was a single door that, like the rest of this building, was futuristic, unreal and cold. Unloving. And she knew that for the last 8 hours, the best NERV had to offer was right behind that door.

Thinking desperately to find a way to defeat the angel.

The angel that she had goaded Shinji into attacking.

An attack that not only horribly failed but had led to the capture of one of their own.

Shinji was trapped in that stupid, sickeningly simple angel.

and it was her fault.

_One Week Ago_

"What makes me most happy?" Asuka repeated the question in a mocking tone."Baka! The CORRECT way to ask that is what object, person or thing makes you feel the happiest! NOT what makes you most happy? It sounds like something a kindergartener would say!"

Her anger boiled to familiar heights.

This baka was getting on her nerves.

Why did she even agree to this stupid game!

Shinji's heart felt like it was ready to pop and shrivel down to the size of a raisin. While he did not attend college like the spectacular red head German in front of him, he felt he had asked the question in a proper manner.

"I guess not" Shinji sadly thought.

For the first time in a long time, Shinji chose not to mumble sorry but rather continue as if nothing happened.

How people could shrug comments off with such ease he never got. He likened Asuka's comments like rocks being thrown though a car, smashing through the windshield with little resistance and smacking the driver causing them to lose control.

He shook his head and feebly mumbled "10 seconds Asuka"

Asuka shot him a deadly glare (He was use to those by now) "That is easy baka Shinji. Being an EVA pilot!"

Shinji stared at her with disbelief in his eyes.

True that he remembered she mentioned wanting to prove something to the world but he assumed that was to be done with her natural talents. It never occurred to him that she linked that goal with being a pilot.

He repressed a shuddered at the memory of being in his EVA.

While it had brought him praise from his father, that was a onetime thing. His father has yet to say another word to him since.

He also felt uneasy about the giant purple machine. He could feel something alive within the beast called EVA Unit 01 and while it did feel comforting at times, it seems to have a mind of its own. A near animalistic urge to protect Shinji at all costs….and that frightened him.

Not enough to stop piloting for he had his own mission to complete but enough to make bonding with the machine difficult. A problem that the greatAsuka Langley Sohryu has seem to conquer.

Slap.

For the second time that night, Shinji felt agony shoot through his cheek.

"STOP STARING!" Asuka shouted at him.

Shinji's rare ounce of courage had come back twice in one night, an unheard of feat.

Shinji looked directly into her clear blue eyes and asked in a quizzically tone "Really? You like being in those machines?"

Asuka glared at that stupid little boy, he was mocking her!

"What do you mean? Of course! I am the best and the best love what they do! You only hate the machines because you suck at them!"

Suddenly Asuka felt all the rage she felt towards this idiot just explode out of her

"You got lucky the last few battles. You would be useless without me! So yes I like being a pilot because I am the greatest and I earned that right! I didn't have _daddy_ to snap his fingers and magically put me inside the one machine that could save the world! I earned my right to pilot Unit 02 Baka Shinji!"

Shinji's world was threatening to collapse under him.

He could feel every single comment stab at him like a rusty knife.

He didn't know he thought of a rusty knife but he had people say it repeatedly, so Shinji figured it must hurt worse.

Shinji did not want to play anymore. This was never fun to begin with and he never thought such a simple game could lead to the truth.

Asuka, the object of his affection….no his love…**hated** him.

Shinji didn't know if he should risk moving in case that triggers another movements tend to set the red head tornado off.

Regardless what Shinji would have chosen to do at that point, Asuka continued her assault.

"And what about you oh great, indomitable Mr. Ikari" Asuka asked him, her voice dripping with false sympathy "What makes you most happy!"

Shinji couldn't even stare into her eyes anymore. He stared to the ground, tears threatening to overtake him. He couldn't take any more of this.

**"I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away. Imustn'trunawayimustn'trunawayimustn'trunaway!" **He chanted in his mind but it was useless.

Pain and fear were creeping up on him and he wanted to run. Far away.

He wanted to be anywhere but here.

"Look at me when I am talking to you wimp! Don't you dare think YOU'RE BETTER THAN ME!"

Shinji's head popped back up and Asuka was shocked to find tears in his steel blue eyes.

"I DON'T KNOW!" he shouted, raising his voice something Asuka didn't think was possible.

"I don't know what makes me happy…" He whispered "My father sent me away when I was young. He didn't give a damn about me until he needed me to pilot Unit 1!"

Shinji shot to his feet, moving faster than Asuka had anticipated.

"And you are right _Miss_ Sohryu"

Shinji used the exact same mocking tone she had just used. It felt wrong to hear him use such a tone.

So much that Asuka actual felt a trace amount of guilt but before she could squash that feeling into the void, Shinji went on

"You are better than me. You're happy, you're confident; you're the envy of everyone! You were chosen because you are talented. You have a purpose in life! I am unwanted. Like you say who would want a spineless, weak wimp? Nobody! I…I…"

Shinji ran.

His rage gave way to fear.

He didn't want to be here.

Anywhere but here.

"Shinji!" Asuka called after him but her moment of surprise was a moment too long. He had disappeared into his room and, slipping on his headphones, disappeared into his world.

Asuka stared silently in the direction of his room, softly whispering "Fine, whatever b-baka Shinji. Run away like you always do! S-see if I care." As Asuka sat on the couch and flipped on the TV. Try as she might to ignore the guilt in her chest, she knew deep down inside that she did care.

She cared about the boy she had brought to tears.


	3. Unexpectedness from Shinji

Hi! i would like to thank everyone who enjoys this story. thank you all for the reviews and the favs!

I've been under the weather a bit so this chapter may be a little weaker than my previous ones. Hopefully u still enjoy!

As usual I own nothing but this idea for a story using characters that do not belong to me

Present Day

It's been 8 hours since Shinji was taken but to Asuka, it felt like a lifetime.

Each the time the door opened her spirits lifted a little higher and each time one of the random technicians gazed at her with doleful eyes and simply walked down the hall to get food or drinks, she sank back into the depths.

She knew that most of them cared more about retrieving Unit 01 rather than saving Shinji but there was one fact that Asuka took comfort in.

The reason she wasn't in there, demanding those gear heads focus on saving Shinji rather his inferior (yet superior) EVA unit.

Misato and Asuka never really see eye to eye but they both came to the silent agreement that they cared for Shinji in their own way.

For Asuka, it was pushing the weak boy to become a man even if she pushed too hard sometimes or often.

For Misato it was shameless teasing but she also encouraged the boy, praising him when he deserved it, a lesson Asuka could learn from her.

As much as she would never admit it out loud, the two had slowly filled the hole that her mother left within her heart.

They became her family.

This revelation however just increased the blame that weighed heavily on her heart.

After all, she endangered one and left the other the difficult task of convincing a room full of cold, calculating people to save a young life that they thought was expendable.

Asuka let out another disheartened sigh; her defenses were down and weakened.

"As if there was someone else in the world that could come even close to Shinji…" She whispered softly

_6 days ago_

Shinji stared at the ceiling, ignoring the alarm clock that said 5:45 a.m.

It was Monday which meant today was school.

He knew that when he tried to sleep yesterday but after the vicious and painful activity Asuka called a game, rest eluded him.

Shinji held a hand to his heart.

Even though he knew it was only in his head, Shinji swore he could feel his heart beating weakly, on the verge of breaking all together.

He let out a sigh.

Every time he closed his eyes, his dreams became nightmares.

Mostly Asuka shouting how he was stupid, weak. How he would never be worthy of anyone, let alone herself. How he didn't even deserve to pilot Unit 01 and how, soon, they would replace him for a better pilot.

Every time.

So he stopped closing his eyes.

Another problem came when he realized he was taking in a familiar yet oddly fear inducing scent.

The scent played in the air around him, tickling his nose with its sweet yet unsettling aroma.

It would disappear for seconds, sometimes as long as minutes but it would always return.

It took him several hours to realize what it was.

It was Asuka's fragrance.

Shinji wanted to bolt out of the door immediately but he knew if he had, due to his recent luck, he would've tripped over something and awoken her wrath.

Again.

So he stayed put, the scent teasing him of shattered dreams and confirmed nightmares.

How her smell got into his room he did not have a clue but Shinji hoped it would go away by the next time he tried to sleep.

It was hard enough keeping a broken heart together without smelling the source of all his pain.

Shinji realized there was no way he would get any amount of sleep and silently shut off his alarm clock.

It never woke him up anyway and the last thing he wanted was to stir her.

Inaudibly he got dressed. He probably smelled terrible but right now he could care less.

Whatever it took to avoid her.

He slowly opened his door, happy that the Japanese made doors that did not swing out or creak.

He turned to see if Misato was home but he was not surprised when he found her bedroom door opened and bed empty.

Lately she was working triple shifts and was most likely catching her 3 to 4 hours of sleep at NERV.

Shinji wished she was here. She could protect her from the red heads wrath or at least give him enough time to escape.

He crept over to the stove.

Even though he was miserable that Asuka probably she hated him, he still loved her. He let out a soundless laugh.

**"I'm so pathetic!" **he thought as he began cooking their breakfast.

Cooking comforted Shinji.

He thought he was an okay cook and it was one of the things he did take pride in.

It was also steadied his existence, his reason for life.

Maybe because he knew in this small way Asuka and Misato needed him.

It was unknown if Asuka could cook as well as she boasts but he knew for a fact that Misato could not.

Anything she attempted to make was less food, more biological weapon.

Shinji shuddered when he remembered the time he had stepped out for a brief moment and asked Misato to take over cooking. When he returned a few minutes later, his guardian somehow managed to turn rice into a bubbling black tar like substance that actually ate through the metal pot.

Shinji was also fairly certain it had temporarily become sentient being.

Shinji shook his head, clearing the memory from his head as he set breakfast on two plates and got to work making lunch.

Nothing fancy today. They were running low on supplies which meant either Shinji had to go to the store or he would have to order take out.

He weighed his options carefully.

Shopping meant he had reason not to come home right away. However it also meant more work and having no real reason to sneak back into his room and avoid Asuka when dinner was done. If it was a proper dinner, then she demanded they spent it together.

If he ordered take out, it's possible that in the 15 to 30 minute wait Asuka would try to play another game or find some other way to make him feel lower than dirt. If he left her alone during that timeframe, he KNEW she would purposely make his life a living hell. He made the mistake of retreating to his room once and when he came out to answer the doorbell, Asuka had greeted him outside his room with a fist to the stomach and muttering something about being very rude.

Once the actual food had arrived, however, Asuka was usually too occupied with food and wrestling control of the television from Pen Pen.

Shinji shook his head as he finished the two bentos.

He had all day to figure it out and he knew Toji and Kensuke would block the red devil as they called.

They would hate it but once they realized how badly Shinji needed to avoid her, they would help him out…for a price.

Not that Asuka would even try to talk to him today.

He basically called her crazy for loving to pilot her EVA.

She was going to be a typhoon all day and Shinji couldn't help but feel guilt for everyone having to deal with "Hurricane Asuka"

He glanced up at the clock

6:29

In a minute Asuka would wake up, yell him to get ready then take a 30 minute shower, hogging all the hot water and then force Shinji take a 10 minute shower with cold water.

"I'm sure she won't mind my early departure." Shinji muttered sadly as he slid his lunch into his bag and walked out the door.

_10.5 seconds later_

Asuka yawned loudly, her hair a tangled mess from lack of sleep.

She had finally gotten to sleep around 3 in the morning.

She let out a sad sigh, remembering last night's events clearly.

The game…the fight…the tears in the Thirds…in Shinji's eyes.

She knew she went too far, all because her pride took a little bruise.

"How was I supposed to know that baka's father didn't keep him around?" she asked the silence of the apartment.

No response.

she glanced at the clock, it was 6:30 which meant Shinji should still be asleep, with his SDAT player on all night…probably trying to ease himself into sleep.

Her heart tugged guiltily at that thought.

"Baka Shinji" she muttered softly.

She slowly got up, unsure if she had the strength to face a sad or worse, angry Shinji.

She shuddered when she remembered how Shinji had used her tone against.

How much the mocking had hurt her.

She shook her head and felt her pride steel her resolve.

"Bah! Baka Shinji finally got a backbone! About time he became a real man" She told herself in her confident Asuka tone.

Shinji's face flashed into her mind's eye and she felt herself take a step back, her heart hammering away at the walls she built around it.

"Maybe" She said almost embarrassingly, as if her pride couldn't handle the next words about to be said aloud. "Maybe I could make it up to him…cook…Cook German food! Not this stupid Japanese crap we always eat!"

She smirked as she fell back into good old Asuka mode.

True to form, she aggressively slid her door open and knocked on Shinji's door.

"Baka! Wake up!" she paused for a moment, letting a small smile onto her face. **"Baka Shinji's going to be in for such a treat tonight!" **

Seconds had passed and no response from the Third.

"Baka Shinji! I know you can hear me!" Asuka, as well as every other person in the world, knew Shinji always listened to his music low enough so he could hear anyone calling him.

He was polite like that

"Third" Asuka growled in a animalistic tone "Open this door right now or I'll…AH!"

Unable to keep her anger in check, she threw opened the door with all her might and found...

A made bed.

Her anger left her as quick as it had come.

Shinji wasn't in his room.

"Aright Third, very funny!" She shouted to the rest of the apartment "Is this a little form a payback? Get up early and make me look like an idiot? Ha! Nice try Baka. Such a child!"

she glanced around but he wasn't in the living, other bathroom or even, eww, Misato's room.

"Where is that…"

The question died in her throat.

She noticed that breakfast had been left on the top, a sheet of plastic wrap protecting it from any insects or dust that might've tried to land on top of it.

Her eyes glanced around and she found a premade bento box waiting for her on the kitchen counter.

The guilt threatened to make tears come to her eyes.

After all she had done to him, he still made both breakfast AND lunch for her.

"Oh…baka" She muttered softly, hoping that he was just hiding somewhere in the apartment.

That he hadn't left early to avoid what he assumed was going to be a wrathful morning.

That he was going to come out of the bathroom or walk back into the apartment after picking up some supplies from the store and say, in a soft, rather shy voice "Good morning Asuka"

Asuka's heart grew heavy when she realized for the first time in…well actually ever, she was going to walk alone to school

And she did not like it one bit.


	4. One's reality is another's delusion

Once again, thank you all for reading my story. The following contains bits of happiness as well as a possible important plot point. Trying a management style so hopefully it works out. I do not own anything. Enjoy and if you feel like, review. Also tell your friends about it haha

_6 days ago_

Shinji let out a deep sigh as the elevator slowly creaked to his floor. In the back of his mind he wondered how old this machine was and when was the last time the landlord of this building had even checked it.

"**In fact,"** Shinji's brain mused, "**who was the landlord?**"

He couldn't associate a face to the title and swore to himself that he would find out and ask.

These thoughts were doomed to fade into non-existence because the actual conscious of Shinji's brain was focused on one person. For some reason the red headed terror had failed to show up today. He knew lately she was feeling bored but that was still no reason to miss school. Not that she needed it. She was so smart it was a wonder she didn't pound her head against the wall in an attempt to stay sane.

The elevator dinged and Shinji was snapped out of his thoughts. No doubt his aggressive roommate had stayed home rather face the cruel fate that was Japanese school system.

Shinji stepped out of the elevator. In his arms were two large, brown bags filled to the brim with groceries. Groceries that a normal family could survive on for 2 weeks but for some reason his household burned through in a week. Often meats first.

**"I wonder where all the meat goes? It can't be Pen Pen. He only eats fish…unless he's developed a taste for meat. In which case I should really find a way to shut my door" **Shinji thought as he attempted to open the door.

Shinji sighed. His keys were in his left pocket, his weaker hand.

Or was it the right?

Wait how could he forget if he is right or left handed? **"Man, Asuka was right. I am a baka"**

He could always put the food down but then again they were heavy and he didn't think he could just pick them up again. **"I mean I'm amazed I don't go flying every time there is a gust of wind" **he joked as he slowly reached for the keys. After much struggling and juggling, Shinji slide the key into and unlocked the apartment.

Of course that is when he felt like he was missing a key item.

**"Milk, meat, cheeses, soda, some face cleaner for Asuka, another of Asuka's face cleaner for Misato, bread….bottled water….cookies…veggies…What the heck am I missing?" **Shinji pondered and pondered when it finally hit him. "Baka" He muttered to himself. He had left his briefcase at school! Ugh, he was so worried about Asuka not showing up he had completely forgotten to grab it when he rushed to the store

**"Guess I was lucky I put my money in my pockets this time"** he mused

Today was getting worse by the second. Even yesterday wasn't that bad.

Though he had no idea how an argument how far Pen Pen could be thrown led to a pillow fight.

Shinji blushed heavily when as he remembered as he pinned Asuka to the floor, his lips just inches away from hers. The strange glint in her eyes that was 50% anger, 25% surprise, 10% I am going to get you so bad baka, 4.9% of get off me! And .1%...well something else. Something foreign. They had stayed that way for minutes before Shinji mumbled sorry and gotten off.

Then the rest of night proceed as he was used to. Asuka commenting that was nothing good on, left to take a shower and added her daily threat of what would happen to him if, when in her mind, she caught him peeking. He muttered he wouldn't, changed into his pajamas and fell asleep, listening to his SDAT all the while.

In the morning he had gotten up, made breakfast and was shooed away by Asuka who said she was going to walk over to Hikari's to help her move her super-secret project and actually left without him.

As he walked to school, he couldn't help but feel sadden by the lack Asuka's presence. She was abusive, a bit much in terms of verbal assaults but…nice. It was nice in its own weird way. He would silently take her abuse, she would let it all out then talk about random problems or subjects like the love letters she always found in her locker or how there was no guy, aside Kaji, who was worthy of her attention. Of course the fact she was easy on the eyes probably helped.

Like a natural painkiller.

When he arrived at school, he was surprised that Hikari was there but no sign of Asuka.

When questioned about this Hikari pursed her lips together but commented "I don't have super-secret project I need help with." Suddenly her face broke into a smile before she seemed to remember Shinji was right in front of her "Suzuhara! A word" Shinji glanced to her hands and found them behind her back, hiding something.

Shinji may have been an adolescent boy but even he wasn't dense enough to see she wanted alone time with Toji. Shinji bid her thanks and goodbye before heading back to his seat, noting the nervous smile his "tough" jock friend had on his face.

So now, looking at it in retrospect, it was clear Asuka planned to ditch.

Shinji silently opened the door. He didn't want to announce he was home because that would interrupt whatever Asuka was doing and the only way to get away with the perfect crime was to silence the witnesses.

And he had enough bad luck for one day.

So as quiet as he could, Shinji placed the groceries on the counter and mutely began putting them away.

He could hear the television on so Asuka must've been in the living room.

Or maybe she left it on so people thought she was in the living room.

Then when someone announced they were home, they would hear the T.V, walk into the living room and see that only the T.V. was on and that someone must've left it on before they left. All the while Asuka would have the perfect chance to find a way outside and slip into the house, no one ever being the wiser. Then, because she was Asuka, drop the blame onto Shinji and frame him!

Of course the apartment was very small with the hallway the only way out of the house and they were several stories up if she thought about climbing the balcony.

Shinji sighed once again.

He really was earning the name baka.

"Baka" her voice called to him "You might as well shout out you were home"

Shinji froze, thinking maybe if he was silent that she would assume she was hearing things.

"Baka Shinji! Did you really think holding your breath would convince me you're not here?" she shouted at him.

He instinctively jumped and shouted "Sorry!" He mentally slapped himself. Maybe he had some form OCD or something.

He heard Asuka sigh "When are you going to be a real man baka?"

"I was a real man yesterday when I pinned you!" he shouted back, his courage filling him with a strange sense of resolve.

"You tripped and fell on me, that isn't exactly manly is it baka Shinji?" His face flushed. He had tripped on something though he could not remember what. The floor had been clear and pillows were safety secured in their hands.

He let out one more sigh before walking to the living room.

"Asuka, can't you be nice to me once in your…" He lost his train of thought as Asuka entered the kitchen before he could exit it. Her hair was done in her usual pig tails, her neural clips worn proudly.

As expected, she knew better to go out in her school uniform which would've raised red flags everywhere she went. Instead she had worn a red and white striped tank top that hugged her curves very nicely. She wore a white skirt that Shinji thought was a little short, showing her legs off in a very hypnotic way.

There was a slight pause before she said "How was school baka?"

Shinji snapped out of his stupor and was about make up some story about flying unicorns and airship pirates when he noticed exactly what she was doing.

"! I can't believe you did that! You…you!" Shinji cried in a rare show of backbone

. She gave him a sly smirk "oh? What's wrong? Did you _want_ this?"

Shinji couldn't believe she had the nerve to….that! and in front of him no less!

Asuka teasingly began nibbling on the last chocolate Popsicle.

The three roommates were crazy for all things chocolate and when Shinji checked last night, he found the last chocolate Popsicle. Determined to enjoy his treat in peace, he had hidden away into the deepest part of the frozen wasteland known as the freezer and planned to eat it when he got home.

"That was the last popsicle too" Shinji weakly much effort…all wasted.

"Oh…this was the last one?" She asked in mock surprise. The smirk on her face made it clear she knew it was the last one.

"And it's chocolate too…You know I love chocolate' Shinji muttered absentmindedly, not actually paying attention to Asuka and knowing full well that these words would do nothing but entice further teasing from the red head.

Asuka looked thoughtfully for a moment "So all you want is a taste?"

Shinji caught this part. Was she going to share? Asuka? And maybe EVAs would fly and begin singing It's a small world.

He realized she had no intents of sharing because she had finished it! She held the stick that once held the chocolaty goodness in her hand and tossed it into the trash can.

Shinji closed his eyes, his voice miserable "I knew you wouldn't share"

"who said I wouldn't?"

Before he could even understand those words, he was surprised by a single action. He could taste chocolate but at the moment it wasn't the sweet taste. The sweetest taste came from Asuka. Her lips.

His eyes shot open and he could not fight the blush off his face.

Asuka Langley Sohryu was kissing him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him deep into sweet bliss. He could feel her lips moving against his though he hadn't realized his were subconsciously following her lead. Chocolate was no longer important. He was being surrounded and submitting to a taste that could only be labeled Asuka.

Nothing could describe how intoxicating she was. How soft her lips were, how gentle her kiss was. He could feel her running her hands through his hair but he did not realize his arm snaked around her waist and pulled her closer. This felt nice...it felt right.

Suddenly she pulled away from him, a playful smile on her lips as she licked them suggestively.

Shinji struggled to catch his breath as his brain tried to wrap his head around what his name was.

"So Shinji, how was it getting a taste of something you want?" She said in a sultry voice.

He struggled to form a word but he still was trying to piece together what his name was. Something with a Z right?

She strutted away, purposely putting more sway into her hips. She glanced back catching Shinji gaze. How carefully his eyes were following her and how his face was redder than Unit 02. She stopped in the doorway of the kitchen and turned her head to face him. "What's wrong…not ready for round two?" she slyly whispered, winking at him as she walked into the living.

Shinji quickly followed.

The moment he turned the corner, she ambushed him, pinning him against the wall and leaning in slowly, her lips gently teasing his.

Barely touching them.

Sending chills up his spine.

Shinji closed his eyes, leaned forward and….

_Reality_

The light hit Shinji's eyes, blinding him for a moment. His body felt stiff and he found himself staring at the sky.

"What the…" he muttered as he moved into a sitting position. He had been lying on a bench.

His foggy memories cleared slowly. He had walked to the park that was a few blocks away from the school.

Still feeling depressed, he had stopped at this benched to clear his thoughts, hoping nature could cheer him out of his funk.

Well it was one of the most pleasant dreams he had had in a long time though now that he no longer was dreaming, it had reminded him that Asuka was never going to be like that. She was always going to treat him like dirt.

He let out a sigh, wondering vaguely what time it was.

"I might as well pull a dream Asuka and ditch school. One day isn't going to hurt and I really need to be alone with my thoughts. Not that anyone cares" he told himself. He got to his feet and stretched

"I wonder if there is any version of me that is ever going to be happy?" he asked himself as he turned to the sky.

It was bright and sunny with clear skies. The kind of day that brings hope to those who long since gave up on it. It was the day that signified that it was about to get better.

"Stupid bright sunny day" Shinji muttered as he began walking in no particular direction, quietly wishing he could leave in his dream and leave the shattered, pitiful reality he lived behind.

Authors note. It occurs to me i had forgotten to mention when i got the idea for the Popsicle and I did not want to take credit for something that did inspire me but i did not create. GryffinsEye had pointed out i did not give credit for which i apologize for. According the GryffinsEye the original came from Monkey's Taste, a doujin circle in Japan. i found the pic on knowyour meme but I can't put the link for it here so I'll put the link for photobucket on my profile. Once again sorry for failing to mention the picture. I won't get caught up in my story so much i forget to give credit where credit is due


	5. In case you are wondering

I am still alive and writing. School just kicked in and I've been a lot busier than i thought. No worries the next chapter is halfway done and should be up in a week. Here is a sneak preview.

* * *

It felt like Shinji reached deep inside her and knocked her defenses down as if they were as flimsy as paper and he was a powerful wind. She never cared for these feelings before but it was like he pulled her heart out, triggering long buried emotions and forcing them to the surface where the world could see and judge. Showing everyone what she tried so desperately to hide. The loneliness, the longing, the fear.

and she hated him for it.

* * *

Asuka couldn't keep the worry out of her voice "What do you mean he's not here?"

Toji shrugged, trying to maintain his tough guy image but his eyes told the real story: he was worried.

Asuka bit her lip nervously, a habit she thought she had long since gotten rid of.

Toji peered suspiciously at her "Ya wouldn't have anything to do with that, would ya red devil?"

For the first time since she met the stooge, she felt uneasy. She was worried that he would begin to tell her off and she did not know if she could handle the reminder of her guilt right now. She opened her mouth to speak when...

* * *

Shinji took a deep breath, unsure if this was the best idea. At best awkward silence ensured. At worst his arm could be ripped off and he could be beaten with it. But there was no turning back now, especially he went through all this trouble to get to this point. He steeled himself as he turned to face those blue eyes. This was it. No turning back now.

"Asuka...I love..."


	6. Asuka's strange today

I LIIIIIIVE! hi! sorry i got busy with all the weddings, projects and papers i had to do. Thank you for all your favorites and patience! I really appreciated it. This chapter might be a little funky due to me not writing in a while and I am sorry for it. Enjoy!

_6 Days ago_

"So then I said you could try but I doubt you could even touch me. You are as clumsy as a pig!" Asuka shouted, laughing as if this was funny. She looked behind her. Shinji still hadn't magically reappeared. Asuka's face shifted from glee to pouting. "I mean it isn't like I expected him to just show up and laugh at my story, forgiving me for everything I have ever done to him" Asuka muttered absently, clearly hoping that was exactly what was going to happen.

She took a moment and listened to the silence of the day. No barking of whiny dogs, no cries of children declaring their friends cheated at whatever childish game they are playing, no stupid boys gawking at her. Just Asuka with Asuka. A seemingly perfect day ruined by the Third.

"Who does he think he is!" she shouted in a feeble attempt to shake these feelings of guilt away "I am worried sick about him and he has the nerve to make me walk alone!" Asuka's newly surfaced feelings poke at her heart, telling her she was being unfair and that she should be looking Shinji, not belittling him as always. Asuka tried to squash these thoughts, these _feelings_ but they avoided her metaphysical foot and like persistent demanding children, began poking at every corner of her brain and heart, showering her in thoughts that only focused on the third child. Shinji's snapback had done something to the iron clad walls of her heart.

It felt like Shinji reached deep inside her and knocked her defenses down as if they were as flimsy as paper and he was a powerful wind. She never embraced these feelings before but it was like he pulled her heart out, triggering long buried emotions and forcing them to the surface where the world could see and judge. Showing everyone what she tried so desperately to hide. The loneliness, the longing, the fear.

and she hated him for it.

To care about someone was an invitation for them to hurt you, usually in the worst way at the worst time. People always let you down. Always.

And Shinji had.

Never mind the fact it was completely her fault that he wasn't here, next to her, silently listening and never judging…

"Shinji" Asuka sighed. Asuka's eyes widen when she realized she had sighed his name, out loud no less! "Stupid Shinji" She growled as her heart fluttered nervously.

Asuka placed a hand onto her heart, trying to calm the nervousness that was threatening to envelope her, to consume her being, her identity, what made her Asuka Langley Sohryu. "I'm being stupid, he's probably at school. Relaxing and having a field day he got a rise out of me. Ooooh, I am going to teach him such a lesson he's gonna wish he wasn't…"

_Later At school_

Asuka couldn't keep the worry out of her voice "What do you mean he's not here?"

Toji shrugged indifferently

Despite Asuka's absolute belief, and hope, Shinji had done a totally unShinji thing and ditched school. Asuka glared at Toji "Don't lie to me stooge! Where are you hiding him!?"

Toji coolly stared back into her eyes "I ain't hiding him. Though it is about time he got some sense and started hiding from ya"

Asuka's fist was ready to drop Toji's IQ down a few more points when she noticed his gaze. It was such a foreign thing to see within those eyes of his. Toji was trying to keep up his tough guy attitude, his nothing affects me image but his eyes told the real story

he was worried.

He honestly did not know where Shinji was and was worried for his…their friend, enough to give Asuka perfectly tame answers so his worry wasn't consuming him alive.

Asuka bit her lip nervously, a habit she thought she had long since gotten rid of.

Toji peered suspiciously at her "Ya wouldn't have anything to do with that, would ya red devil?"

For the first time since she met the stooge, she felt uneasy. She was worried that he would piece together what happened, begin to tell her off and comment how horrible she was. Asuka did not know if she could handle the reminder of her guilt right now.

She opened her mouth to speak when the bell rang, signaling that everyone should take their seats. Grudgingly Toji motioned her away as he stumbled to his seat. Asuka took as much time as she could, wishing Shinji would rush in and reverently beg for forgiveness for being late. When Hikari started class with her customary "Rise! Bow! Sit!" Asuka knew Shinji was not coming today and she was glad Rei wasn't there as well. That would've led to an awkward train of questions.

After School

Asuka would like to say she kept her cool. She would like to say that she shrugged off her newly remembered emotions and was untroubled the whole day.

But that was a lie, one she could not even tell herself to believe. She spent half the day staring out the window, expecting to see Shinji waving back to her, a smile on his face and forgiveness in his eyes. She spent the other half writing Shinji's name over and over again, sometimes as sloppy as she could write, mostly as careful and perfectly as she could muster as if his name was the most sacred word in the world. She only stopped when she realized what she was doing for the third time and hurriedly erased his name.

But that was not the most embarrassing thing she had done.

During lunch, as Hikari made her way back into the classroom, she was greeted with the sight of the great "I-could-care-less-about-that-wimp" Asuka sitting at Shinji's desk, her ear lying on the wood as if it was Shinji's own heartbeat. Her fingers trace the same word over and over, her eyes dejected and depressed. Asuka hadn't noticed Hikari until she sat next to her. Hikari's gaze did not shout a triumphant "You're at Shinji's desk, hmm?" but rather gentle "I won't tell" Asuka nodded in appreciation at pigtailed girl and lay her head back down onto his desk, her fingers tracing the word "Sorry"

So when afterschool came, Asuka wasted no time rushing out the door, her emotions overwhelming her mind, her nature all so she could say sorry to Shinji.

Katsuragi Household

Shinji felt much better as he slipped into the apartment quietly. Alone with his thoughts in the grocery store, Shinji came to the conclusion that last night was his fault. After all he had basically demeaned Asuka's whole reason for piloting and while she always made fun of him, she never made fun of his reason for piloting…even if she didn't know his reason.

Shinji got to work preparing a "I'm sorry" dinner. He silently wondered if Asuka would ever like him like she had in his dream. He wasn't brave or smart. He didn't stand up for himself and it was clear he did something to annoy the hell out of her. Shinji wondered what it was like to share a kiss.

It was the most imitate thing two people could do. It was a symbol of all things unsaid. An unimpressive man who was bad with words could simply kiss the girl he loved and all the emotions, all the thoughts, all his love could be shown through that kiss

The rare courage Shinji had stored away began to rise within him, urging him to do something weird, something that was probably not a good idea and probably would end up with him on the floor. Shinji quietly turned off the stove, dinner all ready and waited for Asuka to come home.

Shinji took a deep breath, unsure if this was the best idea. It seemed like it was an hour ago but now it seemed like a death wish. At best only awkward silence ensured. At worst his arm could be ripped off and he could be beaten with it. But there was no turning back now, especially he went through all this trouble to get to this point. mentally psyching himself up, pacing back and forth and trying to get those three words out. He steeled himself as he turned to face those blue eyes. This was it. No turning back now.

"Asuka...I love..." Shinji paused, fear gripping him. He started to sweat uncontrollably, something he didn't think girls liked in a boy. Asuka's face lit up with a rare smile, her eyes patient and her lips looking as inviting as ever. Shinji wanted to hide, he didn't want to risk everything on a stupid confession to a girl he knew didn't like him. There was so much to gain but even more to lose. Shinji turned away from her, chanting "I mustn't run away, I mustn't run away" when he turned back to her, she was still smiling as if she was waiting for an answer she really was eager to hear

"Asuka" Shinji began slowly "I care about you a lot….ever since I first saw you on the Over the Rainbow…I thought you were beautiful…I…I don't think that any more…I think you are the most gorgeous girl ever…I…Asuka…I know…..I'm not Kaji and…I…I'm not good with words….I always say sorry but…" Shinji closed his eyes and couldn't help but shout out, his courage pulling him by his ear and making him shout "Asuka I LOVE YOU!"

There was silence….just eerie silence.

Shinji had expected that

He slowly opened his eyes and found Asuka's still smiling face

"I'm pathetic" he muttered as he held up the picture frame. Within was a paradoxical picture of Asuka smiling with a real smile. It was a picture that was taken after she had once against thrashed Shinji and Rei in sync testing, as usual. Shinji placed the picture frame back in the box he kept hidden in his room. If Asuka ever found he had that picture, he was going to be killed on sight.

Before he could let out a sigh, the door opened and Asuka's voiced called out softly "Shinji? Are you here?" Shinji, courage depleted, called to her "In my room" As the footsteps grew closer and the moment Asuka would take her fury out on him for ditching, Shinji wordlessly mused is this what horror movies felt like

Thanks for waiting and sorry for the long wait! hopefully the next one won't be so long


	7. hi there!

Hello people of fanficiton. I am alive. I am very sorry for not updating this story in such a long time. I finally got a job and have been so busy. Thank you for enjoying my story and I am working on it and my other story (which i realized may have been too soon or at least not a good idea at the moment) since i have followers I would once again like to thank you all. When i have time I'll delete this storyand up date it with a better proof read version. thank u for going along with all my mistakes. this is a preview for the next chapter.

* * *

Shinji peered curiously at the red twister of terror. He once had a dream of this event happening but to see it in real life was something along the lines of a sober Misato or non-military Kensuke or a sensitive Toji or even the 3rd impact.

It did not just happen.

"Asuka...are you asking me to...?" Shinji asked quizzically. Asuka quickly covered his mouth before he had chance to finish his sentence. "Yes i am so don't make a big deal out of this!...I...umm" She uncharacteristically flushed in a embarrassment. That's when Shinji knew that this wasn't an Asuka revenge plan. This was Asuka asking for help. From him.

And it made him happy.

"Sure Asuka...I'll help with your date" he smiled weakly as he thought maybe happy wasn't quite the word he'd use.

conflicted was more like it

* * *

Asuka stared up at the stars above. It seemed like a perfect night out for this date. Everything had gone right, smoothly and she dared say it, perfectly. She turned her head to him and smile the biggest smile she had ever given anyone.

He smiled back, his blue eyes dancing in the moonlight with happiness as he told her "This is almost perfect"

"Almost perfect?" Asuka gently teased "What else is missing?"

He looked right at her and Asuka couldn't fight the shiver that raced down her body. Was this really about to happen?

He leaned in and slowly approached her lips, and she, unable to fight her longing for human warmth, did the same.

* * *

"There's more..."

"more!?"

"I'm Pregnant"

"Pregnant!? i...don't...huh?"

Then he fainted. Like she expected him too


End file.
